In the past couple of years, I have discovered something new in myself I never realized existed.
Buried way down deep, concealed beneath a thick layer of reality, parts of my brain have awakened and will no longer stay silent.
It's true what they say, a writer finds the possibility of a story everywhere. I've now noticed once the seed is planted, it grows until I am forced to let it out - by writing it down. If I don't, it's all consuming, occupying my mind at every waking moment, drifting into my dreams, waking me in the early morning hours while the world still sleeps, demanding an outlet. I still function, but in a hazy, dreamy sort of way while images play out in the back of my mind like a muted theater screen.
It won't be ignored, and I don't have the power to make it be still.
Once upon a time, I was too preoccupied to allow this imaginative side to emerge. I haven't yet figured out if it's a blessing or a curse.
I love a story, I love the characters, and I love the very aspect of creating fictitious lives and situations from nothing. But, when the story is finished, and an empty gap exists in the span of time before another idea solidifies, it is then my brain feels lost. It starts searching, determined to fill that vacant space with something.
This is when I feel it is the most true that writers must be a little 'mad', a tad bit 'bent', or a smidgen on the 'loopy' side. It's as if my brain demands a background program be running at all times. You know, the kind that won't allow you to shut down until it's finished?
Is it passion, or pure craziness?
I haven't yet decided.
A quote from Charles Bukowski -
Don't do it.
Unless it comes out of you like a rocket, unless being still would drive you to madness or suicide or murder.
Don't do it.
Unless the sun inside you is burning your gut.
Don't do it.
When it is truly time and if you have been chosen, it will do it by itself and it will keep doing it until you die or it dies in you -there is no other way, and there never was.
It was pitch black when she woke, her eyes searching the surrounding darkness for any sign of movement. She was dressed in the red dress again, the silky material smooth against her bare skin. She shivered just thinking about how he must have undressed her, his eyes roving over her bare body. Swallowing her fear, she sat up and squinted into the unknown, but it was impossible to see anything. The cold stone floor felt damp beneath her bare feet.
"You are a fetching creature," a man's raspy voice came through the darkness, "and you smell," he inhaled, "divine."
Desperately cringing against the wall behind her, Erin expected that at any second, hands would grab her from the darkness, dragging her kicking and screaming into something terrifying and beyond her control.
"Don't worry, there are bars to separate us. He wouldn't want your life at risk until he's finished with you."
Shuddering, she pulled her feet up and wrapped her arms around her knees.
"You're cold," he paused, "Reach directly to your left. He at least left a blanket."
Erin felt around beside her until her fingers sank into the plush material. She pulled it around her bare arms. She couldn't see her hand in front of her face. How could this guy see anything?
"Who are you?" she asked softly, her voice quivering.
"Everyone asks that question," he responded. "Why does the human mind waste time considering such irrelevant information?"
"You're not the first to occupy that cell," he answered wryly. "And I'm doubting you're the last."
The panic came again and she fought back the tears.
Alone for decades after the death of his wife, Larkin Pearce chooses to mourn her loss in solitude. Closing himself away from the world and only venturing from the safe walls of the plantation home when he can no longer deny his thirst, he yearns for the finality of death that the curse of immortality will not allow.
On a rainy summer night, a car accident brings Erin Reynolds to his door. With his visitor bearing a striking resemblance to his beloved, Larkin soon begins to hear his wife's haunting voice, urging him to fulfill the promise he made to her nearly a century before.
Wouldn't it be the most fantastic thing if you could consciously block your thoughts? Possess the ability to turn them off with the flip of a switch, leaving nothing but empty dark space up there?
The power of the mind...it can make you, or break you.
Our minds can build possibility from improbability, devise intriguing scenarios, transport us to different places and times, reconstruct the past, and imagine the possibilities of the future. There is no end to the list of things we can accomplish in our mind.
Yet for all of the joy the mind can bring, sometimes we're plagued with thoughts we don't understand, thoughts beyond our control. You have to wonder why the mind allots important time and energy to something unexplainable, something unattainable, something keeping you awake at night, and something drifting into your thoughts during the day no matter how often, or how hard you try to beat them down.
Could it be that all of those unexplainable and illogical things are being forced to the front of our minds by our all-knowing subconscious? Does it understand our deepest desires when our conscious mind won't allow it because it doesn't make sense to our rational brain?
"The subconscious mind is a composite of everything one sees, hears and any information the mind collects that it cannot otherwise consciously process to make meaningful sense."
Maybe the explanation doesn't exist, maybe not everything has to make perfect sense.
It's impossible not to wonder.
I am me.
There is no one on this earth like me.
I am unique...my body, my thoughts, and my beliefs.
What I do, I do for me. I don't do it to impress you, compete with you, or to be like you.
When I feel or believe a certain way, I won't be swayed by your opinion, although I will be respectful of yours.
(Unless YOU are disrespectful, and then it's GAME ON)
I will remain true to myself no matter the people or
opinions around me.
I will not do anything that doesn't conform to MY own standards....not yours.
I will not judge you unless your acts directly affect me
or those I love.
(And then it's not so much judging as it is retribution)
I am thoughtful, caring, and loving, but fiercely protective of those who've touched my heart.
I don't hold grudges.
I believe in Karma.
I am me.
Who are you?
I've been thinking a lot lately about how lucky I am to know so many wonderfully supportive people.
When I first began my writing journey, I had no idea what I was doing. (Truthfully, I still don't!)
Breathing life into the characters born of my imagination, the pages began to fill and before I knew it, I had a three hundred and something page manuscript.
Once I figured out what to do with it, then came the hesitation.
What will people think of IT?
What will people think of ME?
Fighting past the fear of the unknown, I nonetheless put my heart and soul out there for the world to see. It was almost as if I willingly lanced my gut wide-open, exposing all of the raw bloody parts.
But, I did it, and every day I am thankful God gave me that push.
Now, three books in 'The Brothers Series' completed, I've learned to accept that my writing will never be good enough for some people. I'm okay with that. I could be the best writer in the world and someone would still find something to criticize. However, this post isn't about those people.
This post is about all of the other people.
The people who've made me smile, made me laugh, and made me grateful for the privilege of knowing them; even if some I know only through email, Facebook, or Twitter.
The people who have written to me with words of encouragement, talked to me about the characters in the books, or given me helpful advice.
To all of these people, I bow humbly before you. There are no words I can use to explain how much I appreciate each and every one of you. By reading my story, it has become your story; by allowing my characters to live in your mind for a little while, you've given them a chance to exist outside of mine and be a vast array of faces much different than the ones I pictured.
Thank you for your encouragement, support, and faith in me.
It means more to me than any of you will ever know.
And because of all of you, I'm not finished.
I'm only warming up.
With Love and Sincere Appreciation,
I haven't updated in a while so I thought I'd let everyone know what's been going on in the world of RC Woods.
I've started writing a screenplay for the story of 'The Brothers Series'. It's much more difficult than I imagined, and nothing at all like writing a book, but I've already committed myself so I will finish it! (Might be 2 years from now, but I WILL finish it!) I have it all pictured in my mind, but squeezing it out of that deep, dark hole into an acceptable format is a completely different story.
Meanwhile, I have started a new story delving into the circumstances of Jeremy's life resulting in his placement with Carol and Victor Mathews. (And ultimately, Shane) It's a bit of a tragic beginning, but I hope it will help explain some things about him. The book will be a stand-alone and will not require prior reading of 'The Brothers Series'. But, it would be a good history lesson for those who've already read the series to find out exactly how the relationship formed between the two men.
I've been thinking of doing something I've never done before..(Hmmmm..... sounds so serious, doesn't it?) When it is finished, I'm thinking of offering a chapter each week FREE on this website. Nothing to download, nothing to buy. I still get to write and you still get to read it....for free.
I'd like to know what you think. Is it a good idea? Is it a bad idea?
What say YOU?
Please shoot me an email!