You can never go back

It's a little odd how one small innocent action can set the mind on a journey back in time.

It was the damn lilacs.
Never for one moment did I think that by burying my nose into the sweet smelling clump of flowers that for the next hour I would be reduced to a useless blubbering idiot.
I'm not much of a crier, but the memory picked me up and body slammed me hard. There was nothing I could do.

That sweet smell as I buried my nose into the clump of purple flowers...

 I was a kid again, playing hide-n-seek around my Grandma's big lilac bushes with my sister and cousins. From there my mind drifted to the phlox she had planted along the concrete hedges. It was thick, and I can remember the beauty of the light colored petals. I always just wanted to lay down in it and submerge myself in the softness. I was pretty sure it was so deep that I would totally disappear. (I never did this for fear Grandma would skin me alive for smashing her flowers)

Fishing was always great at Grandma's house. The little pond held a variety of creatures to entertain us kids for hours. We used bacon for bait and would always catch a plethora of fish. Rubber worms were best used for dangling in front of bullfrogs, but those feisty critters weren't as easy to get off of the hook.

We lost a pretty good JAWS toy shark in that pond. Deciding to hook fishing line on it and pulling it around the edge of the water seemed like a good idea at the time. It wasn't. The line broke and we could do nothing but watch as it sank into the deep dark abyss...lost forever.

Grandma would make us lunch. Ground bologna sandwiches....it's been years now since I've had the pleasure of ground bologna. Even if I made it, it would never be the same as it was back then.

All of those things are gone now. The lilacs, phlox, ground bologna...and Grandma; perhaps the reason behind the tears.

Maybe it is lost childhood I cry for, when life was simpler and easier, and knowing I can never go back there.

Except in my mind.